Top tips to find your real soulmate

The first truth in how to find your soulmate is to understand the nature of a soulmate. It’s strange but most people don’t really sit down to figure out what a soulmate really is. As a result, people often force the wrong person into fitting the soulmate mold. If you want to know how to find your soulmate, then you need to actually “know”, rather than wing it in understanding what a soulmate is.

Many people are running around try to find a soulmate, thinking they will automatically feel their soulmate, simply by how effortless it will be or by the intense connection they will feel. Well this isn’t how to find your soulmate and not true at all. Unfortunately our biology will often trick us into feeling a person is the soulmate by focusing you in on the mate aspects of a relationship. Our species does desire to continue onward and as a result biological chemistry can really blind two people into falling into love for a shorter relationship for purposes of having children.

A soulmate is more than just physical chemistry, it includes mind (our stories) and spiritual (our flow) chemistry also. However, in the beginning of many relationships physical chemistry does tend to have the most powerful vote of the three aspects of our nature. Sadly physical chemistry is only enough to get two people 7 years along in their relationship (Hence the 7 year itch). To make the distance of 20 or more years you truly need mind, body and spirit all to agree on the chemistry.

Additionally, relationships with soulmates are still a relationship. All relationships have issues, even the best ones. A soulmate relationship might have fewer problems than most relationships, but even a soulmate relationship will have its challenges.

So if you haven’t read an Understanding Soul Companions yet, then please read about what makes a soul-mate “your” soul-mate first.

At different points of life we look for different attributes to compliment us . Psychologically we change quite a bit in our maturing process every seven to nine years. As a result the advice to find a soulmate does vary slightly depending on the life stage you are currently experiencing. This article will give notes about variations depending on where you are in life . So understand there exist variations of how we perceive and match to our soul partners over time which all factor into how to find your soulmate.

The First Step in How to Find Your Soulmate.

A soulmate compliments you. Your strength works with their strength. To focus in on your weakness, means you won’t find your soulmate. To live to your weakness is to find a person who compliments your weaknesses. Such a relationship is a co-dependent relationship. Co-Dependent relationships always burn out or move on in the end. Co-Dependency at first feels balanced, but the problem is as you change it spins out of control. So ironically for Co-Dependency to survive also means to always be staying within your weakness.

We need to grow. Yes we can focus on a weakness, in order to grow from that weakness. But never stay weak on purpose to keep a relationship going. That just comes at the cost of your own life.

Also to keep a person in a relationship for sake of a relationship… is a weakness that destroys a relationship.

We all have issues. A relationship is about complimenting our issues also. This may seem like a contradiction at first but it isn’t.

Our soulmates will help us work out of our issues, help us acknowledge them and then find healthy ways to work with our flaws to always be growing. A soulmate will never hold us back in our issues. A soulmate will never always stop us from making mistakes. We need to learn form our mistakes and grow.

The Second Step in How to Find Your Soulmate.

We think we know who compliments us, we judge others who would be our best mate. Ironically people are blind to the missing aspects of their own soul and issues. It’s hard to use logic and find the person who compliments you. This is why dating services do such a poor job using algorithms to find a partner for others.

Now a problem happens during the harder times of life.

The harder points of life are when we judge our partners the most. Also if you happen to be at a point of life of great change or crisis such as adolescence, quarter-life crisis or midlife crisis, everything is shifting too fast to make sense of any of it. No one can know who their soulmate when they are in the middle of crisis. (this is why soulmates seem to break in crisis). Acceptance of a soulmate comes after crisis is passed, after you release all measurements of who is best for you. You cannot measure clothing for a child as if they were an adult! Likewise you don’t measure partners while you or they are in great change. Picking a person who is best for you in the middle of any crisis doesn’t match very well for later after you have grown up from your crisis.

Release trying to find prospective partners or to hold existing partners based on measurements (judgement) especially if you are in the middle of great change.

The Third Step in How to Find Your Soulmate.

In the end, without awareness a person is moving blindly in their life. Part of awareness is to explore and to be willing to meet and talk to different people in order to both understand chemistry and how we react to others. Awareness lets us work to our essence. To make sure that when we do find a deep connection, that the connection is complete of mind, body and spirit.

Most importantly awareness, as a practice, is about connection. Without awareness equally from both parties, a relationship is blind and only one sided at best and will fail.

Relative to midlife crisis or any major change point.
A person’s awareness is focused for the first year or two back into themselves. Transformation points of life are truly about change, so it’s important that a person’s awareness does focus back inward for this period of time. This is required to help them sort out who they are and how to change. However, since awareness is required to complete the connection to your soul partner, this also means that a mid life transformation process or a larger life crisis very easily disrupts the bond between partners. During this period if the partner tries to reestablish the bond, the person in mid life transformation could just move further away, in an attempt to keep their focus on their growth. It will appear the person in mid life crisis is being selfish, (and often seemingly childish in how to try to reclaim their space. This is because they haven’t yet figured out how to express what they are feeling yet).

Understand a person in crisis or midlife change has their attention totally focused on what they feel are required changes in their transformation. A person in midlife change will move away or fight back to reclaim their space from anyone, including soul partners, who gets in way of this personal reconfiguration process. This is why mid life transformation can and does break soul partners apart. One person needs to change while the partner resists the change. Two powerful mind states that come into direct conflict and it isn’t a fun time to experience at all.