How to through the divorce

Spiritual divorce is an alternative solution for handling marriage problems.

Different options exist to guide relationships through their troubles and some answers aren’t obvious at all. One option I have created for my clients is Spiritual Divorce. This process has an amazing success rate for repairing friendships when they have reached a point of breaking.

What is a Spiritual Divorce?

On a high level, it’s about assisting a graceful separation between two people. How to teach two people to retain a friendship while taking time to grow.

Spiritual Divorce actually means two different things. The first definition is to approach a legal divorce with spiritual grace. To grow from the process rather than to fight and diminish in the breaking of divorce.

I actually use the term Spiritual Divorce in a different manner: Don’t start with a legal divorce rather start with a more gentle spiritual divorce.

The Problem with Legal Divorce

Legal divorce is for two people that cannot come to terms with their combine lives and require an outside baseline to physically separate them. The problem is legal divorce is very arbitrary, doesn’t take into consideration emotional aspects of life and in reality further rips people apart. It isn’t graceful.Other than dealing with death, divorce is the most stressful moment a person can face in life. After all how do you untangle two people who have spent years interweaving their lives together?

It’s possible to find a graceful answer more times than people realize. While you cannot stop a person from fighting if they truly want to fight, you can change how individuals approach the process to minimize the need to fight.


Spiritual Divorce represents one alternative path.

A legal divorce only considers physical ramifications of a relationship. A legal divorce lacks heart and often causes deeper damage between two people

Spirit represents how we move through life.

A spiritual divorce means to untangle two people’s life motions from each other so they have a chance to re-balance their personal lives. After addressing personal issues you can then revisit the baseline of a friendship. Many times it’s possible to help create a whole new relationship after addressing personal challenges.

Spiritual Divorce represents a gradual separation of how two people live with each other, but it isn’t a legal divorce. The goal is to help two people re-balance how they live without the more damaging legal wrangling occurring first.

I have developed this second process of spiritual divorce over the last 15 years. It works. Rather than trying to cut all ties off at once, you separate from each other in stages. This allows a couple  time to emotionally process their differences, instead of going straight into a fight.

It’s important to adapt this approach to fit each couple. The process has to allow for growth during separation. As a result people need to pick and choose carefully how to create personal space in a safe manner.

A spiritual divorce doesn’t mean everything will be perfect. Hard truths and many bad feelings will need to get exposed for the healing process. The difference is in a legal divorce all the hard feelings and conflict happens all at once, which is too fast and too intense for most people handle gracefully. So a spiritual divorce approaches this one step at a time regarding the personal differences. We also introduce moments of time out that allow both people to rest and recover from the more challenging moments.

To grow in life a person needs to be willing to make mistakes and to then learn from those mistakes. In a legal divorce a person pushes out all the problems to be the other’s person fault for legal reasons.  In a spiritual divorce you take time to understand what went wrong and take time to fix any personal issues.

When couples use a spiritual divorce,it means, over a period of one to two years, the couple resolves most of their  problems before any legal separation. This means ironically a spiritual divorce will save some marriages, because the growth will allow two people to have a fresh relationship.  If after working through a spiritual divorce the two people still want to separate then the legal divorce goes more smoothly as most of the interpersonal challenges have been resolved already. This also means each person will be in a more emotionally mature place to separate out the last legal step.

For the exact details of what a Spiritual Divorce would look like for you, you would need to contact us at a Personal Tao to arrange a session. I literally craft a spiritual divorce to fit each couple precisely to their emotional, family, work and personal conditions.

Creating a spiritual divorce is an art not a science. Law and society will use judgment to measure everything in a relationship. Many marriages are failing from these judgments in play between a couple. So the first step in a spiritual divorce is to literally remove judgment from the picture. The second step is to then review and teach against your challenges. This allows a spiritual divorce to be a growth based teaching process rather than never ending counseling sessions.

Finally, it’s a very real time process, where I act as a spiritual mediator to balance out each step.

Is Spiritual Divorce Only Separation?

A spiritual divorce is much more than a separation. It’s an active time to work on learning, healing and balancing each person in the relationship. Just as you don’t drive a car while working to repair the engine, two people shouldn’t be pushing hard on their marriage when they are fixing themselves. It’s important to have time for space, where you each can work on personal growth, in any relationship.

I marry people and such have a deep understanding and appreciation for marriage. But too many misconceptions exist about marriage, including the idea you always need to be with your partner.  At times partners need to go on their own spiritual / life journey.  As a life coach I extend many different teachings to match a person’s needs in the spiritual divorce process. This process gives a couple a deeper time out, but not a full bloody drawn out legal divorce people fear. Simple physical separation doesn’t go far enough, since spiritually a couple is still connected and that leads to conflict. Also many times due to financial codependency physical separation isn’t always an option.  I have added in the spiritual divorce, various options for my clients to create appropriate levels of separation.

I have used this technique with many people to help them move past relationship problems. I have also re-married couples successfully after they have taken time out with a spiritual divorce. This process works, but it also represents one of the hardest transition times a person will ever experience in their life: the fear of divorce.

This option isn’t for everyone, people often are inflexible when it comes down to how they work with their relationships. Ironically it’s often inflexibility, arising out of judgment, that destroys many relationships. This process is for those who need a deep and open process of resolution to get to that fresh start.